me...myself...my thoughts

The Evening

2009-07-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

All day the intense sun had swathed the landscape in a shimmering mirage.
The only reprieve was the salty breeze blowing from across the immense green sea.
Slowly, evening descended on the burning noon.
The brightness was now engulfed by the moist pleasant dusk with its myriad hues.
Streaks of orange glow filled the shores, which was being covered by visitors.
The place was Kanyakumari and it was another Sunday evening on the shores of the Arabian Sea.
At a distance one could see the Rock and the giant statue.
Starting back from the rock was one of the last boats crowded with passengers.
The ancient temple was thronged by crowds from across the country and abroad.
Many were devotees, many tourists and some who just went in to while away their time.
But the multitude was gathered near the shoreline to view the giant spectacle
And I being one of the multitudes was jostling amongst the crowd for a perfect place.
Some had even clambered on rocks near the shoreline to get a better view.

And as the evening settled, it all began.
The sky was wrapped in a deep orange, the colors of the sky blending to the sea.
The green sea was now a shimmering with the blended hues of sunlight.
Slowly the giant sun was sinking into the orange waters.
The whole evening was misty with shades of orange, read and yellow.
The glow wrapped us in ecstatic delight.
There were many clicking away photographs, trying to immortalize the
brief moment on a paper.
There were others enjoying it, before it vanished.
Slowly the giant orange mass was fully engulfed by the roaring seas.
The sky returned to grey darkness, as crowds dispersed like after the end of a giant spectacle.
I wondered what an amazing phenomenon it was
Though it occurs everyday, through the ages, it never fails to leave us spellbound.
At times we fail to observe it, many times we ignore it.
But each time we enjoy , it takes us deep to realize the simple beauty and joy around us.

When I decided to start again...

2009-07-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I blogged consistently.Or rather I lost the zest about blogging before I could get consisitent about it.
But today as look back I feel the need to revive it.

I ask myself...why do I need to blog.
Do I need a space to vent my thoughts be it silly , funny or frustrating.
Do I want to publiscize myself as a writer.
Do I want to try and slavage my long lost literary skills?

It might be all these , but more because it makes me feel closer to myself.
It makes me explore insignificant passing thoughts and reflect on it with greater depth.Years down the lane when life is lost in a maze of materialism I would probabaly be relieved,that I took the time to enjoy , ponder and share the way I see the world.

Mellowing with Time

2009-04-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

Twenty six years is a looong time , to fight and survive in a cruel world.
But then again it is not even half the way of the journey ahead.
That is what I realised as I crossed yet another milstone on that bumpy ride called life.
Do I celebrate for having weathered yet another year?
Or do I worry about grey hairs and crow's feet?
But I sure do realise the way perspectives change with each passing year.As I look back on how I have transformed from a timid schoolgirl to rebellious teenager to talktive nonchalant student to a workaholic professional.
And I wonder today...what next could be in store !!!!

Another Day...Another Time...

2008-03-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

A long time has lapsed since I last printed a few words here…and along with time has changed many other factors too…
Then I was in the hot city of Chennai….striving to achieve the many dreams and aspirations.
Struggling to break free from the meshes of monotony and dare into untrodden paths…
I was in the midst of many dreamers like myself ; who believed that passion can drive dreams to reality…
We were dreamers who believed in living each moment to the zenith though we know the rest of the world frowned upon us…
And today as I write this…I am in another city …. In another country….contemplating on where those old dreams were washed out…
London city is another exciting mix of Victorian monuments , picturesque landscape….and spanning bridges…
But all these fascinate me less than the dusty lanes of Chennai and the rides on ecr….
As I realize true heaven on earth cannot be found in exotic grandeur…but in being with people who really love and care for each other….
And like me ; the other ambitious seekers also agree that in pursuit of those lofty dreams..we all lost the zest of being mired in a life with sweet nothings !!!!

Country Roads...Take me Home.....

2006-03-07T02:21:00.000-08:00

Travel is something which has always excited me.
Living in different places ,meeting new people,making new friends...
These are the things i think i would never get tired of in life.
Every place i go to has its own share of fun n frolic.
There are many new faces i get to see...
Some with whom i keep in touch with the rest of my life..
Some whom i am concerned about for some time...
and some who just come n walk out...

The joys in life seem ceaseless...partyng with pals...
exploring new places...gossiping ol' stories....
But one day i get tired of all this...v run out of places 2 explore...
the treats n parties lose their charm as it becomes more of a routine
Then i'm bogged down by life's realities... that feeling of loneliness overcomes me..
I feel dat my routine joys r a mere gimmick....
Then i think no more...iI just take a break n go HOME....
The only place i am sure i will never get tired of..
The place i yearn to go though it has nothing special to offer
I do nothing there...but just sitting bak n relaxing with my family gives me d immense joy n serenity that no place can offer...
Som good food..hours of sleep..... n d loads of care...
Something more than enough to dispel every worry n despair......

Wednesday Blues !!!

2006-02-22T23:49:00.000-08:00

Wednesday is the day of the week i simply dont like....

The weekend I look forward to is pretty far and i have already got over the thrills of the past weekend..
So this particular Wednesday...that is yesterday...i wake up with the usual "Wednesday Blues"
I scan through the Hindu opportunitis but alas...
No one seems to be wanting a DotNet prof with less than two years exp..Another disappointment...
So that means i really have to go to office...But wait a second..

I suddenly get this feeling that i am not feeling well...Thankfully very soon that feeling becomes a head ache,a slight fever n so on..
Ok now nothing more to think ..i am unwell and i have a valid reason for staying back..
I immediately go back to catch up with dat lost sleep...
I am woken up by many fone calls about the pending tasks at office,enquiring about my health n so on..
But somhow i manage to sleep through d whole day...
N when i wake up in d evening i am all fresh n healthy..
It inspired me to cook d most sumptuous dinner i have had in the last few weeks..
The day ends and at ofice the next day i have a whole lot of tasks waiting just for me..
But somhow i am not bogged down...N more than that i get all the more enthusiastic about blogging too..
So i have come up with this new funda...
Take the day off every Wednesday ...every Week...Really perks u up

A Review????????????????????

2006-02-22T23:22:00.000-08:00

"When u really want something, the whole universe conspires to help u acheive it.."
This could be called the most inspiring quote of recent times from Paulo Coelho's Alchemist..
For those of you who have read n re-read this book...what I am attempting to blog is not a review...
Perhaps I'm just trying to explain the fallacy in those very opening lineswhich happens to be the central theme of the whole book.
"When u really want something the whole universe conspires to help u acheive it.."

But from the tewnty two years of life i have encountered i have always found this theory working the exact reverse.There have been times in life when i desired something or more to say was obsessed with some things..
And there have been times when i have given myself full for that dream..but then there used to be a force so strong in the universe...that consiperd so hardlest lest i attain it....
Starting from d chocolate i badly wanted as a kid.... to the career i wanted to make..i always felt universe and everything and everyone conspired against me..
That made my urge for the thing even stronger...i felt i cudnt live without dat...
I tried harder and harder...
But i some point i learn to live without it...or rather i was forced to live without it...

I dont say life has been toally harsh...coz on looking back the things i got mite b better than the things i yearnd for...
And at times i had even go dat thing which i really yearnd for...but i got it at a point when i had outgrown my thirst for it...when i could do without it...when i really did not need at all...
But still i live wanting many things than ever before...knowing i would never get them...but still hoping that theory from The Alchemist would someday prove to be true...

The Road Always Taken....

2006-02-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

Every day in life is no ordinary day....
Well so was today...and that is how i end up with this post...
It all started with filling up of this Step document..listing down unattaind n never reachable goals ,results,strengths n weakness...
but lured by the perks and apprisal it brings i was left with no option but to pen downa hoard of nothings to impress the reader...

But still i coninue to do it...continue to work...continue to live everyday...knowing tis somthing i hardly approve of..
Every other day begins with the hangover of last days work pressures..as i sigh to myself...oh no another day...
And then at Office the battle begins..with the many so called proud technical tools of Microsoft..
First it is DotNet...then the VSS...n of course the less hostile Outlook..
Starting with the technical trash called code..chatting away with long lost friends...and finally venting out all frustrations in the name of Blogging...

I become an engineer...then a software professional...everything is more by chance than choice..
Or perhaps because i never dared to think differently...i just wanted to earn a fast buck...spend it on the entertainmnts and material junks the world has to offer...
n finally be a winner in life...Yes certainly i am a winner...before my peers,before society...i am a winner...
But deep within i miss something...that feeling of accomplishment...
I knew wat in life would have given me that...but somehow i sat back...like the multitude who crib about their work and their daily chores...fettered by the many material and social nothings...

And at this point all i do is to recollect the lines of Robert Frost...

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.......

......I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

as i say to myself
alas....i take the road always taken...n i still wonder why????????

A Retrospect......

2006-02-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to d Awesome Five....

Date:A fine evening in March
Venue:Nigdi...Bhel chowk..

twas jus another day...or rather another evening....the long hours of r training was taking its toll...not dat v wer learning anytng in dotnet or java....but d very fact dat v were sittng there d whole day itself was 2 tiring...n this very evening v hardly had anything 2 do...in fact nothing 2 do.....so v ended up sittng on d front steps of dis shoping mall....

as usual sebu was busy at sify iway.....with dat big knapsack of his full of som papersgod alone knew wat he did there...(v havnt been able 2 figure out yet)
but midhun praveen n me being jobless had nothing better than gaping at som gals walkng up n down d road...so v sat there talkng abt d nothings in d world....talkng abt d many things in d world which made no sense n which hardly matters...abt d hard day ahead..abt d hot gals they c at kanbay...abt dinner 4 d nitewell d topics cud go on endless....
n v suddenly realise dat twas past 10 whn sebu (being chuckd out of iway) comes n sits with us...

hmmm...so wat next....nearly all d shops thr hav closed...very few ppl out on d roads too....jus d dim street lites n v on d steps....d singer in sebu is aroused by d romantic ambience as he starts off "Sugamane nilavee...."for a second v r lik.."WaT?????????????"....but then b4 i get any time to think further i join him..praveen n midhun r a bit hesitant n embaressed 2 i guess...cud b bcoz they cant sing as greatly as me n sebu....but anyway after som tim evn they overcom their inhibitions...midhun as usual takes a lil' longer though....

n then d nite begins...as v continue one song aftr d next...in every pitch...in every tone...in every language....cmon man who cares...coz v wer singing 4 ouselves...to ourselves...n v hardly cared wat d world thought....
but alas aneesh mathew thought differently...he parked d noisy ol' bike...came up 2 us n was lik..."wat do u guys think u r doin"
seems twas past midnite(so he said).....n dat ppl(esp gals) r supposd 2 b bak home by then...v dint hav much of a choice coz i was already on my way bak home........again on dat noisy bike...attracting all attention of d few on d road...

days passed...month passed...n very soon a year will pass...but something had made dat evening special...or rather memorable....coz it carried wth it a thousand melodies...of old friendship....
v hav all parted different ways....living r own lives in r own ways.....
but every night i walk past a closed shoppng mall in chennai i think "Some day v five r gonna sit here n sing again...some day v r gonna relive those old days.....yes someday......

a simple thought...

2006-02-07T04:09:00.000-08:00

There hav been times in my life,whn i really dint know wat i wantd.......

Evrything arnd me seemd 2 b goin way beyond my comprehension...i had done my best ...i had put in as much as i cud...but still evrytng went wrongn i kept askng...God y me...y only me????????????????then dis beautiful prayer comes 2 my mind..."God grant me d serenity 2 accept things i cannot change.....courage 2 cahnge d things i can....n wisdom 2 know d difference..."
somhow these 4 lines of prayer seem 2 encompass d entir e essence of life...
captures all my grief burdens n sorrows whn it all wnt way beyond wat words cud say....
i then get a sense of relief of havng convyd all dat i wantd 2...
perhaps the whole truth of d life v liv now has been captured in those lines...

life is aftr all abt accepting...but definitely not accepting evrytng dat comes ur way....
life is also abt fighting n getng ur way out...of emerging d winner whn u had lost it all but hope...
but when do v fite bak...n whn do v accept??????????????
reality is too hard a foe...whn it strikes u hard n sudden u can do notng but bow down b4 it....
but u suceed only whn u r able 2 turn adversity to adventure....
then v all emerge winners in life...but then very few of us bcom so...but y????????????????
coz very few us know whn 2 accept reality n whn 2 fite bak.....

n how do v know wat 2 do...fite bak or accept??????????
well it is in such times dat i seek d divine guidance...n accept all dat comes as destiny's plot.......
i mite b rite...i mite b wrong...but life is a path traversd only once.....but b glad u got 2 travel at all.......